Saturday, January 22, 2005

Who knew?

I wanted to post a comment at a blog. Simple. Just click on 'Comments' and post away, yes?

Ack! You mean, I have to actually sign up for a blog just so's I can reply to a blogger?

But, shouldn't a blogger have something to say, something weighty to contribute, a cause, a raison d'etre, in order to be considered a 'blogger'? Apparently not! Like Groucho Marx, I'm not sure I want to belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I mean, what, really, is blogging about? Is it blogging if I merely read another blog and then comment on it? If I read the newspaper and then mention an article in it to my wife, did I just, unwittingly, blog?

Oh, humbug. I'll tell you what this is about.... it's about being afraid. I'm afraid I'm gonna be like that weird (and very large) child on Mad TV, Stuart, who, periodically, says, "Look what I can do!", who then proceeds to flutter his arms and legs inanely, to the bemusement of the onlooking adults. I really don't want folks reading something I'll say and walking away muttering, " Bemused, be VERY mused".

So, I'll make a pact with whomsoever should accidentally (and you KNOW you didn't get here any other way) accost himself with my drivel...... this is NOT a blog and I am NOT a blogger. If you came here to BE blogged, you're outa luck. I don't do that kind of thing. I got children, ya know, and a dog, and guppies! See? Bloggers get e-mails and stuff, get news from mysterious sources, talk with intelligent folks. Bloggers have contacts! I wear glasses. I talk to my dog. I get mysterious rashes. I get Spammed by porn sites. It's not the same.

Ya see, bloggers write about important things like, elections, fraud, civil rights, UNcivil rights, things like that. They have insights! I was stumped, for years, when I read the line, "The Iliad wasn't really written by Homer, but, by another guy with the same name." (Frankly, it's still confusing.)

I'm also not a pundit. You say 'pundit' to me and I think 'Fourth down and gotta give up the football'. Besides, pundits don't REALLY have to know what they're talking about. They're pundits BECAUSE they have something to say, even on topics on which they know little. They're EXPERTS in one field, usually, and merely pundits on everything else in the world. On their one subject, they speak expertly. On everything else, they.... pundate?

Oh, that reminds me of a girl I dated, once. For some reason she brought out a ball of Gouda cheese and I started making puns/jokes out of Gouda til she finally just told me to leave. (eg: What do you get if you cross a lawyer with a cheese ball? A barraGOUDA) Oops! I digress...... Thus, I can never be a pundit, because I'm not an expert at anything, nor am I, apparently, capable of sustaining a single chain (or is that train?) of thought for long.

Anyway, if you should get here and read this, or worse, post here, don't mention it to anyone or, you, too, may unwittingly become a blogger. And, if you are already a blogger and should arrive here...... you oughta be ashamed of yourself!

Regards, Tom Hazlewood

Addendum: This ( was all I really wanted. A stroke, a mere plum. Me and Judy Garland, discovered!

Addendum: Blogspot NO LONGER requires you to create a blog in order to post on one of theirs.


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